Lately things have been changing in a rapid pace. Things I really have needed to work on are actually being executed. This time around I will not fall into that hole again. Rising out of the soot to be a greater being. Still in love of course. But better from the pain from it.
-jairo
11.7.09
10.7.09
My, Mind, My!
Floating through the stream of conscious I realize myself. Realize where I have been torn apart. Where it started, and what I must fix. My mind is not mush, just out of shape. Slowly it is being injected with purpose, vision, and creativity. My mind use to run on those things. It will again. I must say it's quite hard getting my mind out of the slump it has been in for the last 6-7 years. Quite a bit of time. This is where I stop. Later!
-jairo
-jairo
No Sleep
My body still does not tire. Up for days now. Yes, days! Have to enjoy the thrills of having insomnia. Now a dance interlude!
-jairo
-jairo
9.7.09
Optimism Is Hard
I have been trying to think optimistic about life. It's hard coming up the way I have. Every time I felt something was good, I also knew right around a corner something bad was waiting. And to be honest there alway was. Optimism, heh! Working on it. I need to believe in it though. If not I feel my bouts of depression are going to take me over once again. I do not want that. I want to hurt sometimes, but not to the extent my depression takes it. So, I will make myself change. Going to be the conversation starter than the man in the corner. I was the person who used to be shy but very willing to step in front of random folks and open small talk. It was amazing. I am going to fall back to those days. That is kind of funny. Falling back to move forward. Yea that is what is!
Only two weeks left, still no apartment in sight. I have someone willing to move with me to Boston now though. This stroke of luck opens up the possiblity of paying cheaper rent and living in a bigger place. I just wish I could have a place already so I wouldn't have to be so stressed. It will come in time. Honestly though...I don't want to move. In the situation I am in I can't stay. Sucks! That is all for now.
-jairo
Only two weeks left, still no apartment in sight. I have someone willing to move with me to Boston now though. This stroke of luck opens up the possiblity of paying cheaper rent and living in a bigger place. I just wish I could have a place already so I wouldn't have to be so stressed. It will come in time. Honestly though...I don't want to move. In the situation I am in I can't stay. Sucks! That is all for now.
-jairo
8.7.09
Shelltastic
Last night I has a wonderful time with some good friends. We spent it having some drinks, and going over books at barnes and noble. Of course I was getting out all my baggage about the current issue going on. I have come to some self-realization. I want to become a better person not only for the one I love, but for myself. A simple book I purchased is Jim Henson's Doodle Dreams. It is an inspirational book that is simply doodles and tiny inspirational quotes. One that touched a cord was "we're all like eggs-fragile and full of possibilities. But unless we come out of our shells, we just stay eggs." I do not want to be in my shell anymore. I want to be scrambled! ^_^ That's all for now.
-jairo
-jairo
7.7.09
The Day the World Went Silent
So, I am currently single...it hurts. I sat there and did nothing...nothing! She has been avoiding me cause our differences. What hurt us? My shell. Hiding away from the people I love the most as to not seem as a fool. Today I am going to make my peace. I am going to break out of my shell. I am going to confess my love. Let her know how much she means to me, that I am willing to change. I hate saying that. "I can change". I wish their was another group of words I can use. But, I digress. Even if she does not accept me anymore. I must let this be known. I am going to try. I am going to free myself from my own prison.
-jairo
-jairo
5.7.09
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